In Defense of Childlessness

By Whitney M. Moore
December 30, 1979

It is currently fashionable to lament and bewail the advent of the "Me Decade" in which selfishness (boo hiss boo) runs rampant and people seem to do exactly as they please.

Among "the accused" is a species of married couples who are, quite deliberately, Non-Parents (a species which, in our small town, is rapidly becoming extinct). The Deliberately Childfree Couple is usually perceived as "terribly materialistic" and/or "ultimately unenriched" because, after all, "what is there to DO once every blade of grass is in place??"

I maintain that these unfortunates (our latest minority??) may be holders of the short end of the stick and ought not be described as selfish-therefore- lesser beings. Perhaps it is time that someone put their foot down ... Permit me to submit my foot!

It seems altogether reasonable that some people are SIMPLY NOT INTERESTED in parenting. If that is indeed the case, are they not UNselfish to admit it?

Ah yes, there are other citations such as the frequent demise of "the couple per se" after children; the stress of the unknown and the unaffordable; the correlation between childbirth and the "end of the honeymoon." But is it selfish to consider these issues? Or these observations:

At least biologically, parenthood is hardest on the mother. (Only she bears the milk, only she can provide it at three in the morning). These same biological strings eveolve emotional ties that NATURALLY involve the mother more wholly than her husband so that, even in "dual career" homes, it appears "to do it all" happens mostly to the woman.

It is no longer "cost effective" to raise a family. Where it was an advantage in the days of the farm (the more hands the better), to have a family is now (at a time when hamburger is a luxury ) a substantial investment. It may be that parenting no longer entails financial responsibility, but ... don't you doubt it?

Sexually, non-parents can have more time (and probably more energy) in bed. If the lust of the relationship is as important as its friendship, then to become parents might be navigation into icy waters.

This is not to say that parenthood is not for everyone. But, if a couple concludes that parenthood (for them) would probably not be in the best interest of the prospective child, this hardly seems a selfish conclusion.

It is my view that not all childfree couples are hedonists who hate children and turn off the lights at Halloween. In fact, like "stinkpotters" and people from New Jersey, some of them are my best friends.