No kids? No problem!

By Shelly Decker
May 2000

After 15 years of vainly trying to have a baby, the Edmonton couple are resigned that their future will be one without the pitter-patter of little feet.

Looking to connect with other childless adults, Amber discovered the city's new chapter of No Kidding.

"We've been through the wringer and back. We figured it was time to get on with our life, and I think this is a step in the right direction to go out and meet people who don't have kids," said Amber, 34, who recently stopped fertility treatments. While friends and family are aware of their efforts to have a child, the two - like many childless adults - have grown weary of fielding questions from strangers.

"Anybody you meet at our age, almost the first question asked when you meet them is, 'Do you have kids?' With this group you won't ever get that question," said the accounts clerk, on leave after two miscarriages.

The pair adore the children of friends and relatives, but they want to connect with people who can be spontaneous. They also want to get back into activities, such as golfing, which Amber stopped while trying to have a baby.

"It's understandable if you're a parent that you want to talk about your kids because you always talk about what you're most proud of," said Jay, 34, an accountant.

"You don't want to hear about it all the time because it reminds you of what you don't have."

The Edmonton chapter of No Kidding already has 25 members, even though its launch meeting isn't till May 25, proving there's a real need, says local co-ordinator, Debbie.

While the majority of adult Canadians have children, estimates suggest between 15% and 20% of women will remain childless, said Robert Glossop, executive director of the Vanier Institute of the Family.

"It still seems to be expected in society, once you marry you're going to have kids," said Debbie, 36, who didn't want her last name used.

"There's been harassment of those of us who have chosen to be child-free by choice," she said of child-hating accusations sent to the national chapter's Web site.

That backlash surprised Glossop, who deemed such open criticism as representative of a very small minority.

"Indeed, there is greater acceptance of that decision by the rest of the population," he said.

Debbie never had a maternal urge, but waited till she was in her 30s to rule out the concept. Her husband had a vasectomy the year after they wed.

The biggest penalty came from co-workers and bosses.

"I found it worked against me. Being child-free, I was the one who was expected to stay and do things because everyone else had family," said the woman who now works from her acreage home, which she shares with her husband, three dogs, two cats and a bird.

Members will be able to share interests in an accepting environment, said Debbie, who added most participants are in their 30s and 40s.

"I'm really looking forward to meeting people who have interests other than their kids."

No Kidding was launched in 1984 by Vancouver's Jerry Steinberg. The childless-by- choice man wanted to connect with adults who didn't talk about their kids .