If you choose to have them, teach your children well

By Ruth Butler
September 17, 2000

In the mall. At the grocery store. In restaurants, airports, anywhere people are allowed to move about freely, that child is among them.

It screams, it cries, it throws tantrums for something wanted but not given. I've left stores to avoid it and its cart-racing older siblings.

You wonder why some people don't want to have children? Turns out, it's not only for the reasons you might think.

Over and over, in response to our request for reader input about voluntary childlessness, the message has come loud and clear: The example being set by so many parents today is not a good one. Many kids are out of control, and parents who allow it are pitiful.

"I go to the grocery store on Saturday between 7 and 8 a.m.," wrote one childless woman. "No screaming kids yelling and bawling for the things they want, and no exasperated mothers trying to look apologetic about it."

This reaction is not, of course, limited to those who have no children of their own. So-called "breeders" can also get plenty aggravated by a child whose whines, cries and screams are ignored by the adult caretaker.

We are sympathetic. We know that sometimes a parent has no choice but to bring a child along on shopping trips. But why, I've wondered more than once, doesn't a parent pick the child up, give him a hug, pay a morsel of attention?

And why do some parents decide that such misbehavior should end in a smack or harsh words that can make onlookers squirm and the child more miserable? If a 2-year-old is whining, perhaps she's tired or hungry.

One thing is clear: It is up to parents to make sure kids behave and show respect while out in public. And too often, parents don't.

"Most of the children we deal with are in a foul disposition not through any fault of their own, but because of lack of supervision/discipline," writes a teacher. "We have actually come to the point in restaurants to ask not to sit near anyone with children because of the behavior exhibited."

Which brings us to a key point: Restaurants are not intended for your child to run around, make loud noises and throw things. Sure, the waitress might say, "That's OK." And patrons may even smile sympathetically at the sight of your cute darling grabbing and throwing and shrieking.

But no one -- NO ONE -- thinks it's amusing. Many who responded to our story say they make it a point to avoid places that include children whose parents allow such behavior.

Why not have business hours that are adults-only?

Not those kinds of businesses, but ones where adults can have a meal, shop, walk around, unencumbered by anyone who happens to have functioning reproductive organs and feels the world is their playpen.

Why not teach children how to behave around other humans? That screaming is not appropriate?

Why not bring a snack to stave off a hungry child awaiting a restaurant meal? Or crayons?

Why not say no and mean it? Why not give some comfort when a cranky child is tired of being held captive in a shopping cart?

Why not encourage words like please, thank you, excuse me? Is it truly everyone else's responsibility to entertain your darling? Is it someone else's job to teach proper behavior?

No, it comes down to the parents. No one else. The buck -- and the screaming -- must stop there.

Contact Ruth Butler via e-mail at rbutler@gr-press.com