No Kidding! eschews parenting

By Susan Snyder
October 17,2000

No Kidding! is a social club for adults who have chosen to forgo becoming parents. They don't hate children. They don't look down on parenthood. They simply have decided having kids is fine -- for other people.

"If you don't make a conscious decision that you want to have children, then you shouldn't have them," said Lola Henderson, founder of Las Vegas' No Kidding!.

The group started in Canada and has more than 40 chapters across North America, including the one Henderson and her husband started in February.

Local members mainly want to hang out with people who live similar lifestyles. They want to dine out, go to the theater, take hikes or go boating without having to include children -- or constant discussions about them.

They call themselves "child-free" rather than "childless." The latter term, some say, implies they are missing out on something. And they don't feel they are.

"Without children, you're mobile. I've done a lot of traveling in my life," said Diane Hart, a member of the Las Vegas group. "I didn't want to be anybody's mother. I was perfectly happy to be a big sister twice."

Hart isn't referring to raising younger siblings. She was a mentor in the Big Brothers/Big Sisters program. By not raising a family she has plenty of time for youngsters whose families don't have that luxury.

"I love kids. Kids are our future," Hart said. "If we don't nurture them, we're going to have a big mess."

The Population Reference Bureau in Washington, D.C., says households with dual incomes and no kids (called DINKS) outnumber homes with married parents and a stay-at-home mom 2-to-1.

Population figures show 13 million adults over the age of 40 have no children, according to Elinor Burkett's book "The Baby Boon: How Family-Friendly America Cheats the Childless."

The book created a stir when released earlier this year. It criticizes a corporate atmosphere that favors workers with children while childless employees are expected pick up the slack. Employees who never will use company day care or other family services aren't given comparable options.

A quick Internet search shows this backlash is growing. Dozens of websites and groups sport names such as Childfree, Baby Think It Over and Childless by Choice. However, many child-free adults say the subject is taboo. Cultural pressure to have children remains strong.

"People think you're odd or selfish," Henderson said. "But of all the reasons to have children, what other people think is not the reason to do it."

Henderson's group is a social, rather than political, one. But with the first Baby Boomers hitting retirement age, politicians are shifting their gaze toward Social Security, prescription drug prices and other issues facing older adults. A growing number of childless adults may demand the same attention.

"This is a personal decision and should be perceived as normal," Henderson said. "If you are not sure you want to have children, you shouldn't."